A Christmas Story 12.14.15

                If you are not familiar with the TV movie, “A Christmas Story”, (did you notice how I subliminally drew your attention to the title using colored fonts) then you have not spent Christmas Eve at The Ford Homestead! This now considered to be a cult classic TV movie, is shown each Christmas eve at the Fords of Hewitt, usually after we have our now traditional Mexican early repast.

            The TV show sometimes takes a back seat to opening gifts. No, it is not the grandees that insist on the present exchange, it is the adult kids that can’t seem to wait.

 The female leg lamp, sits by my chair year round, and is a reminder of this wonderful TV adventure, “A Christmas Story”.

            Speaking of an adventure, let me tell you of a recent adventure I had.

            What? No, it isn’t the fact that I vacuumed my entire yard again yesterday and this morning the leaves are back covering the front yard again. Please, hold your questions until the end of my tale.

            I have had a few problems with my “windows phone”. The term, “few”, may be a misnomer.

I like that word, “misnomer”. It is not a part of my normal vocabulary, but it seems to fit in well with the written word. It is said that people are often judged by their vocabulary, which is the vocabulary they normally use, not the vocabulary that they understand.

Smart phone may not be the best name for these devices. If the darn thing was smart, why didn’t it fix itself, or at least tell me, how to fix it! I will attempt to keep this account as short as possible.

Something happened to my device, and it would no longer display a key pad. Even though I could still send text messages and emails from the phone using voice to text, I could not correct errors in the text without a key pad.

It is obvious to me that I had touched the wrong setting and messed things up. Yes, like those fine, “career politicians”, I take full responsibility for the outcome!

I spent better than an hour looking at each setting for each application, to no avail.

I consulted with my technical adviser, and he offered several suggestions. All were good suggestions but I could not make them work. I slept on the problem overnight.

The next morning I again started checking each and every setting on each app. To say I was irritated, upset, mad as heck, would not explain my true feelings. I even explained to my present spouse that I have considered using my fine adjusting tool, “the two pound sledge”.

As a last resort I was going to do a hard reset, which would put everything back to factory settings. I pushed the button up popped, “are you sure”, I clicked yes.  It then wanted me to enter my password. I did not have a key pad to enter the password, the smart phone didn’t understand, “that was the problem”.

At this point, “Divine intervention came into play”. I began to see it as funny! I knew I had done something to cause the problem but did not know what it was. Laughing at myself I decided to get away from the problem and vacuum the yard.

The yard vacuumed, shower taken, clean clothes on, I headed to my recliner for a nap. The nap did not come, instead I reached for that darn phone and I began to change the settings on any app that might be related to the key board.

I turned off the blue tooth and for some reason the key pad came back. Wow I had a key pad! Happy as a lark, I had corrected the problem.

I decided to try some other things to make sure they were working. To my surprise my camera would not work. Now what had I done?

I put in two hours sitting in my recliner, needing to take a nap but the nap would not come, trying to get everything working.

Then another “Divine intervention”, turn the darn thing off, and back on was the thought that popped into my head, maybe the phone will do a soft reset.   J

Everything works again, I am happy!

The first photo taken to verify that the camera still works!              Yay!

For a full report of this entire event, book in a hard back copy, and the video to go with it, send $178.26 to the Ford Homestead Foundation, mark the check, “Fone Repair”.

            No I did not spell it wrong, that is the way I wanted to spell Fone!

Now is the time for questions?

            You want to know what the story has to do with the TV show, “A Christmas Story”. “Nothing, it is My Christmas Story and a photo of one of Donna’s Christmas trees. You need to stay focused on what I have written!

May all your devices work as expected!

Don Ford

Short ride, but lots of fun 12.11.15

                Thursday begin like any other day, I bounced out of bed before the crack of dawn full of energy and ready to take on the world. It was about that time that I understood that I am a retired senior and I really do not have any bounce left in me.

            As I had explained in my last revealing article, I now have an exercise bike. I decided to try it out even though the weather was good today. I plan to walk most of the time but ride the exercise bike on bad weather and cold days.

            I started out pedaling but I wasn’t getting anywhere. The light in the garage goes off after a minute or so and it was now very dark, heck I could not see where I was going. That wasn’t going to work so I decided to move the bike outside. After relocating the unit, I again mounted the bike and began to ride.

            All seemed to be going well until this car came down the street, head lights on high, I could not see anything but the bright lights of the oncoming car. Naturally, I wrecked the bike, I ran into the curb. Luckily I fell into this pile of leaves from the red oak trees, so I did not break any bones.

            Mounted up again I was riding like the wind. My breathing and heart rate was elevated, I was exercising. Then another car came up the street, this time it was approaching from behind me. The lights were on high beam but not in my eyes.

            I began to pedal faster and the vehicle was right beside me. I could not pedal any faster and I was tiring quickly. The lady in the car must have thought she was someone special, she rolled down her window and suggested that I get the exercise bike off the street, and at least back in the drive way.

Who did she think she was, telling this senior person and resident at this Homestead of 35 years, to get onto the drive way?  “Female types!”

            Feelings hurt, I drug the unit back into the garage. People should be nicer, I was close to the curb and not bothering anyone.

            Different ride:

            I had decided to ride the bike out to the bunk house today for lunch since the weather was supposed to be so nice. I left the Ford Homestead about 10:20am but the weather had not yet became nice. It was cloudy and very windy, which makes for a less that perfect ride.

I do not enjoy riding in the hot summer sun, but riding on a cloudy day, is somehow depressing.

            Being a seasoned rider, a little wind was not going to discourage me. I thought about which route to take and decided on the short route, which was out highway 6 and was probably the route with the most cross wind.

            I did have a first time situation during this ride. Now, I have been riding since before I was 16, and it is unusual to encounter something new during a ride, but it did happen!

I had passed through Valley Mills, TX and was picking up speed. Traffic was light and I was almost to the speed limit of 75 mph. The wind was from my left blowing at least 20 mph, and there was a big tree near the left side of the road.

You probably think having a big tree beside the road is nothing unusual. This area is open fields, you know, pasture land, less trees more grass. The leaves, were coming off that tree in unbelievable amounts.

Many years ago, while riding with a group of bikes, we rode through a swarm of bees. I saw everyone ducking, luckily I was toward the back of the group and was warned by radio of the swarm so I ducked in behind the windshield and was not stung. This has nothing to do with the leaves, but I wanted to tell you my story about the bees.

Imagine riding into a cloud or a sudden unexpected fog, at near 75 mph. These leaves were falling like a heavy sudden rain. I actually ducked behind the windshield for just a second and then realized they were just leaves. I must say, at a distance the leaves did not seem as numerous but driving through them was a different subject.

I arrived at lunch safely and I must say I enjoyed the food even though I was eating alone. L

After lunch I took the long way back home, I was on roads with more wind breaks, so the ride was more pleasant and the sun was shining.

            I stopped at the gas station to fill the wing with fresh gas. I had dismounted the bike and was opening the gas cap when this female voice said, “that is the right way to get around”. The voice was coming from a little old lady on the other side of the gas pump, who must have been at least as old as me.

            Without invite, she came to my side of the pump inspecting my bike. I explained that it was comfortable to ride and it was kind of the Cadillac of bikes.

She commented that being retired, I must have a lot of time to enjoy riding. Why would she assume that a fellow as young looking as me, would be retired? Was she indicating that I was old?

I told her that my wife says the back seat is very comfortable, kind of like a recliner. That comment seemed to stop this female from hitting on me!

            Tomorrow, if the wind is not blowing, I will likely vacuum the yard again. We are expecting rain and possible storms over the weekend so I should get up as many leaves as I can before the bad weather gets here.

May the winds of life, blow the leaves from your yard!

Don Ford  

Selfie is a tool 12.10.15

            My first wife was making sweets for the Christmas holidays, she was working at the kitchen sink when she announced that the faucet was loose. Naturally, I accused her of being too rough when turning the water on and off, I believe that is when she explained that I would not be enjoying any home cooking in the foreseeable future.

            I, being the man of the house, told her in no uncertain terms, that I would fix the faucet as soon as she finished her work at the sink.

                Getting under the sink is not an easy task for a younger person, and it can be outright impossible for a retired senior.

As you know, I am on a fixed income and could not expect my spouse of 46 years, to work longer hours at picking up cans from the side of the road, in order to pay for a plumber.

Being very intelligent, and somewhat lazy, I began to consider my options. The idea hit me like a ton of feathers. Yes, I know the old saying is, “like a ton of bricks”, but I am too old to be hit by bricks, even if they are imaginary.

What is this marvelous idea, you ask. Let me tell you! I decided rather than crawl under the sink I would take a photo of the situation. I could then determine which tools I would need, and only make one crawl in under the sink.

I can see that you are getting ahead of me.

Yep, I used the selfie stick with my windows phone, to view the work area. It worked, the faucet is now repaired. Not bad for a retired, senior nap taker!

What? Yes I said the phone was a windows phone. You are like others, that kind of look at me funny, when I say I have a windows phone.

Why windows phone, it all goes back to being on a fixed income. A phone like mine can be purchased relatively inexpensively. A phone like yours would take a month of non-stop can retrieval by my present spouse, just to make a down payment.

Different subject and different day;

The weather has been spring like her at “The Ford Homestead”, which has encouraged me to get outside, relax and enjoy retirement, I mean, “work vigorously in the yard”.

Vigorously may be defined as, “walking behind the lawn mower while it vacuums the leaves from the yard”. I like to vacuum every few days so the amount I am picking up, is just a few bags each session. If I wait until they all fall from the trees the leaves will be in piles and the lawn mower don’t like to work that hard.

Yes, I consider the lawnmowers feelings when I use it in yard work. I have even thought about changing the oil in the lawn mower before today’s conquest.

Now that you have swayed my attention to motor oil, I will present you with this senior’s opinion (I was going to say a senior’s view, but since I will be talking about sight, I thought the word view would be inappropriate”, of the lubricant known as, “motor oil”. For this senior it is difficult for me to see the amount of oil on the dip stick, when the oil is new and almost clear. Dirty old oil is much easier to see on the dip stick.

I have very good vision but that small amount of clear oil is difficult to see. Someone needs to invent new oil that looks dirty (that isn’t going to happen) or a dip stick that makes it easier to see the new oil.

Oil changed I began the tedious task of vacuuming the yard, see photo below.

            As you can see, I have made a couple passes through the front yard at The Ford Homestead. I think my vacuum works well. It took a couple hours to vacuum the entire yard front and back. In the middle I did stop and have lunch which was provided by my youngest son David. When Dave makes enchiladas he often makes a few extra for his senior Dad, and Dad’s first wife.

            The lawn chores completed I took a shower and prepared to go to town.

I have been wanting to find a stationary exercise bike to use on the cold days. I could stay inside the garage where it is somewhat warmer, and out of the wind, rain snow and ice and still get my daily exercise.

OK, I made up the snow and ice part, so my northern readers will not feel left out.   

Yes, before that one person asks, there are some good people that live north of Dallas.

What, why north of Dallas?

If it wasn’t for all these questions I might get something done, other than pound on this key board.

I was told by a friend who shall remain nameless, Dalton, many years ago, that anyone who lives north of Dallas is a Yankee.

Now that I think of this, that statement is kind of odd. That unnamed person’s family came, I believe, from the Oklahoma area. Last time I looked Oklahoma is north of Dallas.

Let me know if I am wrong Dalton unnamed person! 

It is so easy to get off the subject. I have wanted an exercise bike but being on a fixed income I can’t afford a real nice one.  I have decided to go to the good will store today and see it they might have a used one at a price I could afford. I just realized my last name is in the word, afford?

I have a bicycle but I don’t want to be out in the rain or cold weather on a bike. Yes I know how to ride a bike!

Back from town, we are now the proud owner of an exercise bike. No the good will did not have one, we are now in debt again.

Thursday morning arrives and I am surprised with what I saw on the grounds at The Ford Homestead. The yard was vacuumed of all leaves yesterday. This morning the wind was blowing and the leaves are back.

The grandees arrived with some time to spare prior to leaving for school and decided to make a pile of leaves that they could jump in. No, it was not my idea. Yes there was enough leaves to make a pile.

Above raking leaves, below in the leaves!

            Kids play all day long, but a grandpa’s work is never done! I just made that up and no there is not another version!

We hope you enjoy the day!

Don Ford

Proud Papa 12.08.15

                This picture is worth 307 words, count them if you don’t believe me.

                The bright sun was shining down on the senior, as he sat in the old rocker with his new toy on his lap.

                First, a response to this well composed photo was likely to be, “why did this fine looking gentleman have a frown on his face”. One viewer thought, it was the bright sun causing the frown.

                In all honesty, the face does not have a frown, it is a stoic look. In an effort to prevent that one person from acquiring a dictionary and looking up stoic, a synonym for stoic is patient or tolerant. The face of this senior has a stoic appearance! 

                Second, you may have noticed that the early Christmas present is green, one of the non-politically correct colors of Christmas. No the chain does not hurt as it rests on my leg.

                “C”, yes the senior has recently had a haircut. In an interview with this senior he was asked why the hair is cut short. His response was, “it is easier to take care of a high and tight haircut”.

                Fourth, one person asked about the red that was showing near the neck of the shirt. Is this retired person wearing red Long Jon underwear and if so, do they have a flap in the back? The long answer to that question is, “NO, and no”.

                “D”, who took the well composed photo? Although this may be a surprised to most of you, this is a selfie. Yes, I do have a selfie stick and as you can see it works. Retired and old people are allowed to have technical toys too.

Well I believe it is time for a well-deserved nap. 

16 days till Christmas, have you acquired my present yet?

Don Ford

Nap outside... 12.06.15

            It all started many years ago, when I was younger and more energetic. As you may understand I was forced, I mean allowed to work very hard for little pay. In those olden days I would work so hard that if, or when I was allowed to take a break, I would often take a brief nap during the break. Waking from the short and refreshing nap I would be re-energized and ready for the rest of the day.

What caused me to think of the olden days? Let me explain.  After brunch today my present spouse demanded, I mean asked me, if I would get out of the house while she was putting the last Christmas tree up.

Not wanting to suffer the wrath of my spouse, I obeyed her order, I mean, I took her suggestion and left the room.

What to do was my question. I could go outside in the unforgiving cold, 62 degree day, possibly suffering from frost bite. Well I guess it would not be that cold outside, after all, I do have a jacket I could put on.

I was listening to a radio operator in Indiana the other morning and the Ham was saying they had fog and freezing temperatures which was causing many problems for those who were trying to drive. 

Once I made it outside I found it to be rather nice. I took the box that had held the last Christmas tree, out to the shed for storage. As I walked through the vast area behind the Ford Homestead I could not help but notice that the back yard needed to be vacuumed. Yes that tree was beginning to drop those darn little leaves onto the ground. I decided to get the vacuum out and remove some if not all the leaves. Vacuum being defined as, “my lawn mower with a grass catcher”.

I put in a full hour of walking behind that mower, back and forth across the landscape until I had filled two bags of the pesky leaves.

I was filling fulfilled, after such tedious work. I made my way to the old rocker near the garage door, where I was able to drag my old body into the chair, in more or less an upright and sitting position.

I was able to rock back and forth for a while when I was suddenly overtaken with fatigue. I instantaneously knew I would need to allow my weary eyes to go shut, just for a few moments. The sun was shining brightly, warming my back which I found to somehow be very relaxing. The wind had subsided, I leaned back, allowing my cap to cover my eyes.

Within seconds I was peacefully unaware of my surroundings.

I have no idea how long I was in this state of relaxation (aka Sleep) but when I awoke I was refreshed and feeling restored to my energetic self. I decided to get the lap top and bring it outside and begin to write this partial history of my day.

Now you know how I got started writing this interesting, and may I say, fact filled article about my activities.

While I was vacuuming the back landscape of The Homestead, I found the remains of a lizard that Charlie had executed the other day. I placed it on the fire place cover so I could get a photo. I wish Charlie would not kill these large lizards, but you know cats, they never listen to their humans.

Still writing about the cats but a different subject, I have explained in the past that there are small butterflies that aggravate the cats. These butterflies will actively agitate the cats causing the cats to chase them.

Up to now the butterflies were the winners and the cats were the losers. Yesterday, Molly took out one of these insects. The darn butterfly landed on the small table next to my rocker. Molly attempted the kill missing the bug but almost knocking over my cup of coffee.

I moved the cup of coffee just as the butterfly attempted another landing. That was the insect’s mistake. Just as the bug attempted its landing, Molly pounced! Molly (1) butterfly (0).

Different subject:

My first wife and I went to the Company Christmas party Saturday evening. We were able to see some old friends and make some new friends. The food was good and after the meal there was a drawing for presents.

My name was drawn to win a gift. I won a wall heater.

Now I wasn’t sure what I would do with a wall heater, especially since it was gas and we do not have gas at the Ford Homestead.

Well that statement about gas is not totally true, we have gas, or I should say I have gas, when we have chili or white beans with cornbread (good stuff)!

Anyway I had won so I was happy. After all the drawings were over a young man approached me asking if I was interested in a trade. He had won a chain saw, but he would rather have had the wall heater. I accepted his offer to trade. Pretty good, I had no use for the heater and I was given a chain saw that I do have a use for.

I guess Christmas came early for me, again (new truck)!

The sun is going down and it is getting chilly out here, I will stop for now and go inside to see if my first wife has finished the Christmas tree.

We hope you have a pleasant and safe week!

Don Ford 

Four letter words 12.03.15

Four letter words are often used without much thought for those who are on the receiving end of the comment.

Now that it is close to Christmas (21 days) it would seem to me that people in general should be more aware of their comments, and if they feel the need to use a four letter word, at least use it sparingly.

There are also words that we don’t want to hear which have more or less than four letters.

We all know of these words and we are often offended, or at least surprised, when they are used. The F word and the N word have been recently used in my presence. Yes, I would say my feelings were hurt, but I can’t say the comment was unexpected.

I have over the years developed a, “Thick skinned attitude”, even though the comments do still hurt me deep down inside. If I get a tear in my eye, after hearing a hurtful comment, I try to not let anyone see me.

I write about this because I had my feelings hurt just yesterday by a comment. I don’t think it was meant to be hurtful, and I doubt that she even had a second thought about the comment.

Whether it was meant to crush my feelings, or cause me to feel not loved, is not the point. The point is, she said it, and I felt hurt!

Yesterday as my first wife and I were talking, she was in town shopping which I know she finds enjoyable, and as usual, I was at home alone which I do not find enjoyable.

I asked one question, and in her response, she used both the “F” word and the “N” word!

If you want to stop reading now, that is acceptable. I understand if you do not want to read these words, you will more than likely want to believe that my first spouse, would not use both words in the same sentence.

Stop reading now and you will be happier!

Her exact comment was, “Don Ford, I said No! Do you know how much it hurts, for someone to say, “Ford and No”, in the same sentence?

Different subject:

If you are having trouble deciding on the right Christmas gift for me, you can check my web site, “uww.thefordhomesteadofhewitt.con/gifts” for a list of suggested gifts, where to purchase them, and the price is also listed. Many have free shipping this month.

Think before you speak, and use nice words!

                                                        

Don Ford   

Get off my Case 12.02.15

                A picture is worth a thousand words. I assume a picture and a photo are of the same value. Why did I differentiate between the two? In my world the picture is something that is printed for display while a photo can be seen on many devices like a computer or smart phone.

I was talking with a person (female of the species) the other day, and I had commented that I had built an addition on to the fort behind our Homestead. This person asked if I had any photos.

At first I thought, why would I have photos of something I built several months ago. Then it dawned on me, I now live in a different world and I could pull my smart phone out of my pocket and show the lady some photos.

In doing so, I jokingly said, don’t look at the nude photos. I am glad this female did not take me seriously, I have no nude photos on my phone. 

Back to my original subject:

Could it be said of both, that they are worth a thousand words? That question unanswered, what is the value (worth) of a word. If we were able to determine the value of a word, we could them multiply it by one thousand and we would know the value of a photo.

           

            There is now another question that I would like to present and that is, “Are all photos equally valuable”? If not, then how would we estimate the value of one photo verses another?

            I have earnestly considered this next question, and I will provide the correct and complete answer. In our present day world, there is a phenomenon that is pervasive and at times annoying. What is this irritating thing, it is the “selfie”.

            The question is, “is a selfie worth a thousand words”? The correct and complete answer is, “NO”!

            What started me on this particular quest, it was a comment I made to my present spouse the other morning. I said, “I wonder if I could take any subject and write something about it”. She, in her all-knowing way, responded with, “don’t you do that every day”?

            The photo of the lovely young lady was taken by me, while in the Ford’s Chevy when taking the grandees to school.

            Does she have her seat belt on, Nope! Is her breath showing up on the dash, yep. You can’t see it in this photo but she had a bright red dress on for some type of Christmas pictures they were taking at school that day.

            Was I a distracted driver, I think not.

            There is much more information in the photo and it may well be worth a thousand words, but the photo does not tell the entire story.

            We were sitting still in stop and go traffic, on the drive where the kids are dropped for school. The kids unbuckle their seat belts and get their back packs on, only after we are off the road and well into the drive way.

            I think that is enough about photos, there was a thing that popped into my enormous brain the other day. I asked my present spouse if she remember this little rhyme and she said she had never heard it. The rhyme goes something like this.

            I asked my mother for 50 cents

            To see the elephant jump the fence

            He jumped so high

He touched the sky

            And didn’t come back until the 4^th of July.       

            The online version is a little different from what I remember.        

           

            I asked my mother for 50 cents

            To see the elephant jump the fence

            He jumped so high

He reached the sky

            And didn’t come down ‘til the fourth of July.

If you need to learn more about this rhyme get on the internet and look it up.

May your photos be worth 2,000 words!

Don Ford

Chapter 8 Time Travel Understood 11.23.15

Solving a problem     

            Now that we (you and I, along with the scientist) know of Freddy’s, “non-reintegration”, do to his death from a gunshot, should the police be notified of what happened?

The police have Freddy listed as a missing person. They found records of, “a Freddy” who had died of a gunshot wound over two years ago. Driver’s license and other documents indicate that the two Freddy’s were the same person. The police assume that the missing Freddy was a person who had assumed the ID of the dead Freddy.

Dr. Stanton also assumed that the Freddy who had been their janitor, had assume the real Freddys ID, had decided for some unknown reason to go back in time to possibly meet the real Freddy.

If the police were told that he no longer exists due to traveling in time, would the scientist be in some way responsible for his death? After all, they did invent the machine that evaporated Freddy!

          Dr. Stanton, in considering his options, has thought of going back in time and in some way, preventing Freddy from using the time machine. Dr. Stanton felt somewhat responsible for Freddys demise and wanted to correct the situation. He also did not want the public to know of the machine and he did not want to go to jail due to Freddy’s death. 

The machine does not physically move during or after time movement, and since they know the exact time that Freddy went back in time, they could, using the same time machine, go back in time a few seconds before Freddy. This would allow them to stop him while he was still in the laboratory.

          The team members were mostly in agreement to this possible solution. The computer tech, Alvin said, “There is an easier way to accomplish our goal”. The scientists focused their gaze on the tall and skinny nerd. Alvin continued, “I can easily solve all the problems”. He went on to say, “It will take about 20 minutes”.

To be continued: 

Don Ford