Artist or Artiest, you decide 05.31.14

 

 

            Ok, I had to look up the difference between the two words, now I am a smarter person, if that is possible.

            I am not writing about myself this time, instead I am writing about Gabi.

            The other morning before school, Gabi was making a drawing of her bear, in chalk on the drive way.

 This is not the finished drawing but you get the idea. The next drawing is not remarkable in itself, but the fact that she drew it for her younger brother and then explained that spiders have 8 legs. The lesson for her younger brother impressed me.

The next drawing is of a girl but it started out as a boy. The time line is before school and Gabi wanted someone to lay on the driveway so she could draw an outline of them. Her only volunteer was younger brother Alex. She was able to get the outline drawn before we had to head out to school.

The outline was still on the driveway when she arrive at, “The Ford Homestead” after school. She decided to put some finishing touches on Alex’s outline. I heard her say, “I am giving him a Tutu”. Naturally I thought this was odd, putting a Tutu on a boy.

I walked away as she continued her embellishment of Alex. See photo below.

You may not be able to see all the detail in this photo so I will point out a few. The Tutu is pink, we can see the person’s belly (skin color) between the Tutu and the shirt. Arms are skin color and she has gloves on. This young lady has blond hair and blue eyes.

The young lady must have some kind of tights on under the Tutu, they can be seen below the skirt on the legs. The legs are skin color above the shoes and there are shoe strings in the shoes.

This was all done from her imagination. I was particularly impressed with the fact that she changed what was initially an outline of a boy, to a girl and she put shoe strings in the shoes.

                Yes I am a proud grandparent praising one of my grandkids.

 

I hope you driveway is as colorful as mine.

 

Don Ford

Me, Bite off more than I can chew. 05.30.14

 

 

I make a suggestion, and someone thinks I am, “Biting off more than I can chew”.

            Talking about chewing, no I am not chewing tobacco again, why do you need to think the worst about everyone. You should be more positive.

When I used the word, “chewing” it reminded me of last evening with friends. Yes, I have friends, will you stop commenting and let me write this story.

Where was I? Chewing, yesterday late afternoon or early evening I met with motorcycle riding friends at Griff’s ^{(a greasy spoon that has good food that a person on a fixed income can afford)}. We all met there about 6:30 ^{(I was a couple minutes late which is very unusual for me, as I am usually the early person)} no I am not going to say, “ the early person gets the worm.” If I keep getting these interruptions I may just stop the article. Who am I trying to kid here, I am going to write this thing regardless of how many interruptions I receive.

We arrived at Griff’s ^{(I hope I am spelling the name correctly)} and had our supper. During the conversation, gardens came up and a short discussion about canning vegetables from the garden. I unwittingly mentioned that my present wife of 45 years, use to can lots of items from the garden. I mentioned that we still had fruit jars and a pressure-cooker in our shed. One of the un-named people at our table suggested I not say pressure-cooker too loud, the NSA is listening to everything we say. We were also cautioned not to say guns or bombs.

We changed the subject and the NSA did not show up.

After a nice supper and a subdued conversation, noting that it would not be dark until 9:00 or later, we decided to take a short ride before heading for home. We took a leisurely ride at speeds below the speed limit through the country side.

 

Back to the original thought.

On my way home, after dropping Gabi off at school this morning, I was thinking about our conversation. I had suggested to Gabi that we write a story, possibly about cats. We would help each other with the subject matter and she would do all the art work ^{(she is a good artist for a 7 year old)}. She liked the idea.

My reason for suggesting this is to keep her interested in reading and art.

As I drove I was thinking, “Have I bitten off more than I can chew”. You know how the mind of a genius works, it switches between subjects at light speed.

Personally, I believe it would be difficult for “me” to bite off more than I can chew. Think about it for a minute. If you can get it into your mouth and bite it off then you should be able to chew it.

            Other sayings that came to mind on the drive home;

“You stepped in it”. Now this one is possible for even me.

“Open mouth and insert foot”, do you have any idea how long it has been since I could literally, put my foot in my mouth?

           

            Anyway, our plan is to write a short kids story probably about cats and have Gabi do the art work. It should be fun, if Gabi can keep me focused.

 

I hope your day is good and that you, “don’t step in it”.

 

Don Ford

Accidental Death, or, Suicide? 05.28.14

                The time line for the article, yesterday afternoon about 6:00pm.

            I had just completed installing a new V belt on the walk behind mower. This belt was needed as the mower was doing less work and I was doing more.

            My neighbor ^{(who will not be identified)} and I were sitting in chairs near my garage door. My neighbor was sipping on an adult beverage that comes in a can, I was enjoying a Bush’s Tea. Those of you who live in this area, understand that Bush’s Tea is almost a required beverage.

            My neighbor and I were discussing and contemplating recent world events, the rain that has occurred over the past few days, and all the weeds that have taken over many yards.

            The death that occurred at the house just south of “The Ford Homestead” seems to me to be, an accidental death, although there are those that believe it was suicide. 

            As my neighbor and I discussed the, let’s call it an incident, we were both wondering how it could have been an accident. To be honest, we couldn’t clearly establish how an accident like this could have occurred. My neighbor, who was a fire chief, was aware of an earlier incident, somewhat like this, but it was definitely not an accident. In the situation that he explained, it was murder, and the murderer was seen leaving the scene.

            We are sure this event was not murder, but we still do not know if it was suicide. Some of the things we considered, the recent holiday, the weather situation, everyone knows that the rain over the last 3 or 4 days could have had an adverse effect on one’s mental status.

            My neighbor was the first person on the scene. He checked to see if there was any signs of life, breathing or pulse, there was none. It appeared the victim’s neck had been broken.

            Needless to say both my neighbor and I were upset over this situation.

 

I have taken a couple photos that may help me stop thinking about recent events and possibly improve my attitude.

Near the center of the photo there are small baby pecans. They are hard to see but they are there. I thought a photo of baby pecans might bring a smile to your face.

 

No, the photo is not of a puppy or a kitten, why are you stuck with the old mine set that only puppies and kittens will make you happy. If you think about it, these baby pecans will grow up to be large Texas pecans and if the squirrels stay away, we can eat them. We don’t eat puppies or kittens; that should bring a smile to your face.

 

The following photo of a flower that has a yellow/orange center. The photo provides us with a look into the throat of the flower, which allows us to see the yellow/orange.

 

            OK, I will tell you how the death event unfolded.

            As I have previously stated, my neighbor and I were sitting in chairs on my drive way, near the door to my garage. When all of a sudden we heard a loud sound which sounded much like a baseball hitting the neighbor’s house.

            This sound immediately got our attention. When we investigated we found a white wing dove had flown into the side of the house, at what must have been full speed. Death was immediate.

            My neighbor told me of a similar event at his home, involving a bird that flew into their window. When they went outside to see what had occurred there was a Hawk covering the bird and he took the bird and flew away.

            We did not see a hawk in this incident.

            Was it an accident or Suicide?  You decide.

 

I hope your day is filled with happy thoughts.

 

Don Ford 

It's raining! 05.27.14

                This morning the temperature was kinda hot with about 700% humidity. I was outside doing my manly errands for a while, then I needed to take a break. I brought my tablet outside for some R&R and positioned myself in my rocker. The tablet will receive satellite radio and I like to listen to the 50s or 60s music. I was just getting comfortable when it began to sprinkle. It did not sprinkle much so I continued the R&R ^{(rest and reflection)} I am not allowed to relax until night time, it is my spouse of 45 years rule.

                The rain sprinkles came back, so I decided that I would leave my favorite rocker and move to one of the rockers on the front porch. I was able to enjoy my oldies music and several games of solitaire. My stats are 10.987% wins. I am not sure if that is good or bad but I will consider it as acceptable for me.

                About 12:30 I was getting sleepy so I headed indoors for a short nap. When I say short that is what I mean. My naps are usually 10 to 15 minutes in length, I am sometimes able to continue napping after the initial short nap but they are just short spurts.

                It was raining while I was napping and there was a very loud clap of thunder, which help wake me from my nap. I remember that the garage door was open and the family cat was outside. Since molly doesn’t like rain I assumed ^(correctly) that she was in the garage.

                I was able to drag my body out of the recliner and staggered walked through “The Homestead” to the garage. As I suspected Molly was ready to come inside and I closed the garage door.

                Noting that the temperature was probably 20 degrees cooler that it had been ^{(I guess about 65 degrees)} I made a cup of coffee and proceeded to the front porch.

                The rain was study to heavy at times, but there was not an appreciable amount of water running down the street, indicating the ground was soaking it up. I sat on the Church Pew since there is a flower pot in front of it which keeps the water that is dripping off the house from splashing on my feet.

                I enjoyed the cool weather as I indulged in the cup of coffee. As I sit here, I noticed that even though it has been raining for the last couple hours, and there is a slight breeze causing the rain to blow a little from right to left ^{(south to the north)} there are still dry areas on the trees. For some reason I find that interesting.

                I decided to bring my computer out to the front porch and start this article. As I was typing I remembered that I was on the security camera and I decided to attempt to attach a photo of me doing my thing.

 Yes I realize that it is not the best photo I have ever taken but it shows where I am sitting on the porch.

                I am fairly sure that some of the neighbors who see me outside with a computer are shocked. They probably think that retired people just sit around and occasionally read the newspaper. I do get newspaper articles on my computer from the newspaper in my home town back in Missouri.  

                Something smells; as I sit here typing I was suddenly aware of the smell of a cigarette. For those of us who do not use tobacco the smell of a cigarette will be noticed even a couple hundred feet away. Our neighbor’s, daughter’s, boyfriend is in the front yard smoking and I can smell it.

                Another neighbor is in his yard with his mower. It has stopped raining for now so this neighbor is scalping a portion of his yard. He has modified an old mower blade and it basically removes all the grass down to the top soil. I guess the rain has made the process easier.

                My spouse has just informed me that it is time to eat and I am ready. 

 

                I am back and supper was good.

                My first wife asked me to call David and tell them we have a watermelon on ice and they are welcome to come over.

The watermelon was here at the house most of last week. Alex has rolled it through the house several times wanting someone to cut it. He was also sitting on it like it was a horse. At one point I had left the house for a quick trip to town. Alex told Granny, “Papa said if I eat all my lunch you should cut the watermelon for me”. I did not tell him that.

On my way beck home I met Donna and Alex as they were heading to town, we stopped to talk and Alex wanted to go back home with me.

When Alex and I arrived home, Alex informed me, “Granny said I should cut the water melon for him”. I asked, are you sure she said that, he replied, “yes”. I asked Alex if he wanted me to call his Granny to be sure she had said that, he said “no”.

4 years old and he has learned to exaggerate situations ^{(tell fibs)}. He didn’t learn that from me.

The temperature warmed up after the rain stopped and Dave, Claire, Gabi and Alex came over for watermelon. We all enjoyed the fresh watermelon and Gabi had the juice all over her face and the front of her shirt was wet.

My spouse of 45 years purchased a used bike for Gabi to ride when she is here at “The Ford Homestead”. As I am sure you know, we are on a fixed income so we had to purchase a used bike. Donna had to pick up aluminum cans along HWY 84 and HWY 77 for over three weeks, just to get enough money to pay for the used bike. Gabi rode it and she liked it.

I guess that is all for now, we hope your holiday was good.

 

Don Ford

 

Good luck or not? 05.26.14

 

                I have started to wonder what is happening. I have now found two old pennies, one on the drive way and one in the flower bed next to where my rocking chair is.

                “Why would this seem odd to me”, you ask. I will attempt to explain.

The first penny was found a few weeks ago on the cement drive way. It appeared to have been there a long time, with many scrapes and lots of ware on it. I know it hadn’t been there very long because I am very observant (I would have seen it had it been there very long) and I also have swept the drive way many times.

The second penny (which will be in a photo later) was found in the flower bed. I was enjoying my favorite rocker when I saw something in the dirt. I first thought it was a flat stone but as I cleaned some of the crud off it, I could make out the tails side of the coin. I cannot see a face on the face side of the coin.

I want to know; is finding these two old coins some type of sign that I don’t understand, or is it just a coincidence? Is it still good luck to fine a penny heads up, when the head is not discernable.

Finding the penny in the flower bed is much more understandable than the one on the drive way.

The penny on the left is not one of the found pennies, it is there as a reference point for the old penny.

 

It is Memorial Day, my present wife is cooking an excellent meal. It was in the slow cooker overnight, and it smelled so good this morning when I got out of bed this morning.

                It rains a ¼ inch last night with threats of more rain today, tomorrow and for the next few days.

                I mowed the yard prior to the rain and I must say the yard looks pretty good.

                We have an excessive amount of snails at, “The Ford Homestead”, so I put out some snail bait. It works real well at killing the snails. The photo below shows one of the creatures attempting to break into “The Ford Homestead”.

My first wife purchased a used bike so Gabi could have a bike to ride when she is at, “The Ford Homestead”. After I examined the bike I found that the back wheel is warped a little. I had never tried to straighten a wheel by tightening or loosening spokes. I have found that I needed to tighten and loosen completely opposite to what would seem natural to me.

                I have made the situation somewhat better, if I had a spoke tool it would have been much easier.

 

Enjoy your day off work, remember the veterans.

 

Don Ford

 

Earl and Oscar 05.21.14

            A true story as perceived by, Don Ford.

 

It was a quite morning in the neighborhood, I sat in my rocker near the garage door, enjoying the morning sun. Molly (our cat) was being her usual curious self, investigating everything that moved and some that did not.

She was especially interested in the birds as they flew in and out of our yard. Molly enjoys chasing birds and making them fly. She has often wondered, why the birds will not stay and play with her.

As I looked towards our neighbor’s house, I saw a black and white cat run across the Yard and then hide in the shrubs.  This black and white cat’s name is, “Oscar”.

Oscar lives at our neighbor’s house with several other cat friends. One of his cat friends is Earl. Earl is orange and white and loves to play games. 

 

When Oscar ran across the yard and hid in the shrubs, Earl ran to a tree in the yard and stopped. Both cats sat very still as if they were hiding.

            All of a sudden Oscar came out of the shrubs and ran to the other tree in the yard, as Earl ran to the shrubs. Both cats stopped at the same time and watched each other.

            Oscar, was at the bottom of the tree when all of a sudden he climbed the tree. As Oscar climbed the tree Earl ran from the shrubs and stopped at the bottom of the tree.

            It seemed odd at first that both cats would run and then stop at the same time. Perhaps they were playing a game of, “follow the leader”. When Oscar would run, Earl would follow and when Oscar stopped, Earl would stop.

            This running and stopping continued until the lady who lived in the house opened the door and called, “here kitty kitty” and both cats ran to the lady. 

 

                        The End

 

I hope you get to play some today.

 

Don Ford

 

The above was not a true story, if you haven’t guessed. Although I did see the cats and they were following each other I doubt that they were playing follow the leader, but who knows what goes through a cat’s brain. The photo of the kitten at the bottom has nothing to do with the story, I just liked the photo.

Forced labor 05.20.14

 

                Retired people who are on a fixed income can’t afford to hire people to do work around their homestead, so they must attempt the work themselves. I am such a person, as such have been on my knees in the front yard of, “The Ford Homestead” attempting to remove weeds from the lawn. 

                My neighbor more or less started this by pulling this same type weeds from his yard. Not wanting my yard to be over ran with these weeds I too began the weed eviction process.

 

I do not know what the name of this weed is but I still do not want it around. I found the larger weeds to be very tough, almost like wire and I could get the roots of the tough plant. The smaller weeds were not as tough and they sometimes broke when I pulled on them. 

                It took parts of two days to get the entire front yard completed. At one point Alex was helping. He actually knew which weed to pull. He also got on my back wanting a horsey back ride.

                My hands and knees are sore and my body is tired.

 

I hope your day is weed free.

 

Don Ford

Trim some Limbs 05.18.14

 

                On the third Saturday of each month, the city of Hewitt will take tree limbs and other brush type items. It works this way; a resident of Hewitt cuts the tree limbs or shrubs, loads them on his truck or trailer and hauls said items to the city water well. City employees will unload the cuttings and they run them through a chipper. No they don’t give you the chipped wood back.

                This system works ok but the city of Waco will come to their citizens home and pick the cuttings up curb side, saving the residence loading and hauling.

                This past Saturday was the third Saturday so on Thursday I decided to, “Trim some limbs”. I made this decision when I learned that I would not have, “The Alex” on Friday. Trimming tree limbs is an all day job and it is too dangerous to attempt while the boy is here.

                Donna and Alicia were having a garage sale at Alicia’s house, so I would be all alone.

                I started work at 7:15, hoping that the weather man was wrong. He had predicted it to be windy, possibly 20 mph and that is not good when working from a ladder.  Having saw dust and or limbs falling from on high is difficult enough without the wind adding surprises.

                The limbs I wanted to remove were all more than 20 feet above the ground. I was working from an 8 foot step ladder (sitting on top the ladder) using a manual pole saw extended to its full length.

                The wind was not blowing when I started the trimming. The problem cutting these limbs was that I was almost directly under the limbs so when they decide to start to fall I need to be able to get out of the way.

The proper process to cut these limbs (Fords Method) is to make a cut in the underside of the limb first, then cut directly above the bottom cut from the top. This procedure allows the limb to fall free and it does not strip bark from the tree as it would without the underside cut. 

I have learned, being “an experienced Woodologist” (aka Wood Butcher) that not making a cut from the bottom will most often keep the limb partly attached to the tree, which to me is usually safer than a 6 inch diameter limb falling 20 plus feet while I am on the ladder.

The limb staying partially attached to the tree creates a problem. What do I have to do to get the limb to break loose and fall?  There are two methods I use, first I try tying a rope to the limb and pulling on it. The rope process works about half the time. The second method is to use the saw and cut the remaining attached wood. Note; you can use the rope (tied to the limb and to another tree) to assure yourself that the limb falls away from you.

Being alone at, “The Ford Homestead” I decided to be even more careful than usual. Even though my climbs up and down the ladder were not OSHA approved, “three points of contact during the climb, two feet one hand or two hands one foot” I did climb methodically and carefully. I was wearing my safety glasses which kept the saw dust out of my eyes.

I also think that an, “unseen force” was helping me (the good Lord for anyone who doesn’t know what I mean by and unseen force).  I would make a cut from one side then move the ladder to the opposite side and make a second cut. The object was to cut in the exact place as the first cut, but from the opposite side.

“We” cut 4 limbs Friday and each time I was able to hit the precise cut from the other side of the limb, even though I could not see the first cut.

I began to cut on a limb which was over the kids swing set and I had not realized how long it was. What I thought was two limbs was just one long limb. Well I had started and there was no going back, it had to be cut.

Using a manual pole saw is not easy work, so I decided I would get my gas pole saw. I would need to stand higher on the ladder because the gas pole saw is not as long as the manual saw.

I had not ran this motor since last season but I had properly stored it for the winter. I filled the take with gas and put oil in the chain saw oiler. I set the choke and primed the gas line and attempted to start the motor. Nothing, the motor would not start.

Being a first class mechanic I removed the spark plug and cleaned it. Replacing the plug I again attempted to start the unit, again nothing. Being of sound mind, and tired of pulling on the rope I put a new spark plug in the unit. Again the same results, nothing.

Being slightly upset at this outcome I decided to remove the spark plug and let the unit sit for a while.

I went back to cutting that big limb by hand. It took a while but I was able to get it to brake over, it hit the kids swing set.

Bow saw in hand, I began to remove the smaller branches from the main limb. Once I had most of the branches cleaned I was able to cut through the rest of the limb. 

Now that I had the limbs on the ground, I needed to remove some of the branches in preparation for loading everything on the trailer.

I usually pull the limbs to the trailer and load them but I decided to try something different. I used my riding lawn mower to pull the trailer around the yard. This worked surprisingly well. I have no idea how much the trailer loaded with limbs weighed, but the lawn mower pulled the entire load easily.

Once I finished loading I began to put the tools away. In this process I decided to try the gas powered pole saw again. I replaced the spark plug, set the choke and primed the carburetor. I pulled the rope about 4 times and it fired off. I ran it a minute or so and shut it off. Will it start a second time, yes it started easily. The master mechanic again knew what to do to make the saw run. 

Saturday morning I took the trailer load of limbs to the city. Returning home I decided to take an old igloo dog house to the city. When I backed up to the trash truck (they also take larger trash items on the third Saturday) I heard one of the fellows say, “look a dog house”. They set the dog house to the side. I had my old flat screen TV in the truck. I asked if they took TVs and they asked if it worked to which I replied yes and I have the book along with the remote. They seemed happy to get the TV, I was happy to get rid of it.

I was on a roll, so I decided to take some other items from the garage to the Good Will. On the way back I procured a cup of coffee and an oatmeal raisin cookie from Star Bucks’. Lots of work topped off with a Star Bucks coffee, nice!

 

I hope your oatmeal raisin cookie will be fresh, mine was.

 

Don Ford

 

See my breath? 05.15.14

 

                Good morning; I was outside enjoying the crisp, should I say cold morning air while partaking in a cup of coffee. The outside temperature was 50, and I could see my breath. That seems a little unusual but after all, I am unusual. 

On these cool mornings, I have noticed that some of the birds will fly to a high tree branch or a power line that is in the morning sun. Positioning themselves high and in the sun will allow them to receive the warm rays.

My present wife and one of her friends are having a garage sale today. They wanted to have the sale last week but they wisely postponed the sale until this week, expecting rain. I hope she makes a lot of money; being on a fixed income we don’t want to lose the income from her normal duties of picking up aluminum cans from the side of the road.

                We received another 10^th of an inch of rain last night and our yard is now officially wet. There is some standing water and mud. The little garden seems to have endured the rains by growing several inches.

 

                I thought I would add color to this short posting. It seems as if the abundant rain showers have influenced the flowers to produce some very pretty colors. My first wife noticed inside each of the blooms, there was a single extension of the bloom. This is probably there to draw in the honey bees encouraging pollination.

 

        Remember when you use to swing? I remember we would swing as high as we could, when we would get to the top on either side of the swing path, we would push the chains out as wide as possible. Alex does the same thing on this small back yard swing. It must be a natural reaction and not learned. 

 In this photo we can see Alex’s head above the tomato plants. Alex is 6 foot tall and we can just verily see him so you can guess how tall the plants are.

The Yucca plant behind the shed is full of orange blooms. Also attached to the fence is a ham radio radial from a beam antenna.

 

Have a very nice day.

 

Don Ford

 

Fast draw, the true story 05.13.14

Fast draw, the true story 05.13.14

 

It is well known throughout the state of Texas that I, “The Reverend Don Ford” am a, “Thought filled person”. Filled with thoughts can be fun at times, but also seem like a curse other times.

My brain is on 24 hours a day, which is evident but the colorful dreams I have ^{(read article dated 051214)}.

This morning after pondering many of the world’s problems, I reviewed the rain fall amount from last night’s *munificent rain. The 4 inches we received last night raises the five day total to 6 inches here at, “The Ford Homestead of Hewitt” and there is a prediction of additional quantities of rain possibly another 1.5 inches today.

After clearing my enormous intellect of the worldly thoughts, I began to consider less demanding situations, such as the, “cowboy gun fights” we have all seen on TV or at the Movies.

I began to wonder if these movies were misleading. If you remember, the sheriff or marshal would be going about his business (usually having a drink in a bar) and the bad guy would challenge the sheriff or marshal to a gun fight. Even my childhood hero, “Marshall Dillon” of the TV show, “Gun Smoke” was often seen in a bar with “Miss Kitty”.

As a side note; the TV show, “Gun Smoke” which was seen on TV every Saturday night, would start with Marshall Dillon drawing against a bad guy. I would strap on my play gun and holster and I could draw my gun faster than, “Marshall Dillon”.

One would think that an officer of the law would be in his office or on the streets and not the local saloon. After considering this I have concluded, the movie people positioned the law officers in the saloon because they could show women attempting to seduce or at least take all the cowboys money.

Back to the gun fight;

At a predetermined time the officer of the law and the bad guy would walk into the street and face each other, one waiting for the other to, “make his move”.

This is the part that I have trouble believing. If I were the law officer and the bad guy challenged me I would rather not stand face to face ready to shoot each other, instead I would have taken a deputy or two and caught the bad guy off guard, either arrest him or shoot him.

Obviously, the gun fight would seem more exciting to the movie viewer and that is the reason so many movies had gun fights in them.

                                                                                

I hope you have learned something from this fascinating journey into my mind. 

 

 

I’m hoping your day will be filled with fascinating thoughts.

 

Don Ford

 

* Munificent; meaning generous or bountiful.

 

Dryer than a popcorn... 05.12.14

Dryer than a popcorn…                05.12.14

 

                Fred commented, “It sure is dry here in Texas”, to which Sue asked, “How dry is it?” Fred, thinking he is a funny and smart guy said, “It is dryer than a popcorn fart”.

                It is believed that the proverbial comment, “Popcorn fart” is very dry. As we all know, popcorn is dry when we eat it but there is steam created during the popping process. The steam created during the popping process excited the curiosity of our senior professor here at, “The Ford Homestead Institute of Lower Learning”.

                Professor Dumcough has conducted numerous studies into the dryness or lack thereof in the typical popcorn fart.  Results from the studies will be published next month, in the “boxer shorts issue, of The Journal of Gaseous Omissions. It is rumored that the information may be used in the upcoming political campaigns.

                Dr. Dumcough has determined, “there is no typical popcorn fart”. Also, humidity measurements of the fart as it is presented reveal from 37% to 79% humidity in these gaseous presentations.

                Findings conclude that the word fart should be dropped. In the future it will be correct to say, “dryer than a popcorn”. 

                We hope this information will be helpful in any upcoming communications.

 

Speaking of how dry it is here in Texas, we received 2 inches of much needed rain this past Thursday. The ground and all plant life along with me, seemed to say thank you for the rain.

                Saturday my wife of 45 years had me do some excavating in the back yard. She had decided on a location for the rose bush and I was instructed to dig the hole and plant the rose. The area where the rose was planted had water standing on it at least 4 inches deep Thursday evening.

                Naturally I assume ^(ass/u/me) that I would be digging into mud. I was surprised to find that the dirt was moist and loose but did not stick to the shovel. There was no mud, it was perfect digging except for the one root.

                The rose was professionally planted by me ^{(a noted Rose-ologist)} and I did add water to the new planting.

                Later we were admiring the little garden spot, being amazed as we saw baby squash on the vine, the tomato plants are huge but no tomatoes yet, and even with the two inch rain the soil was dry and beginning to crack.

                The prognostication for today is more rain this afternoon with possible amounts from 1.5 inch to as much a 4 inches. We need the rain but not the storms.

 

I hope you have a non-gaseous day.

 

Don Ford

First time off schedule... 05.10.14

 

                I had developed a plan that was based on the fact that my spouse of 45 years stays on her schedule. Isn’t it just like a woman, you make plans based on her being on time and she, for the first time in her life arrives early.

                Before I get into this true story in more detail, I want to tell you of my dream last night. I have for several years now had unusual dreams. Not nightmares just unusual, nonsensical dreams.

In this dream, I was going to get a massage. There were several people around and I was on the table, shirt off and ready, “Hillary Clinton” started my back massage. She was using her elbow.

 Isn’t it just like a democrat to give me the elbow?  I could use that massage right now, my shoulder is a little stiff.

 

Back to the original story:

                Background:

Mother’s day was approaching and I had decided to get my present spouse a gift. She has wanted a new TV for about two years so I decided I would surprise her with one.

I did some research on line and decided on a model (something I might be able to afford). I checked with my son Patrick to see if the TV was a fair deal, you know we retired people are on a fixed income and need to be careful with our expenses.

It is a smart TV, it is larger than the previous TV although it weighs half what the old TV weighs. 

I needed to involve my son David in this plot because the old TV was wall mounted and I want to replace it with the new TV. I could not remove and install the TVs alone. 

Dave gets off work early on Friday and comes by to pick up the grandson.

 

The Plan:

I would purchase the TV and leave it in the back of the pickup truck.

On Friday after my present spouse goes to town I will unload the TV from the pickup, unpack it, move it into the living room, get the necessary tools ready.

Dave will help me remove and install the TVs.

I will update the remote control; it has to be connected to the computer and info loaded into the remote when you add a new device. This one remote controls the TV, cable box and the sound system.

I then plan to be in my chair reclined acting as if I am taking a nap when my present spouse comes home at 4:00pm.

How long will it take for her to notice the new TV?

 

This is what happened:

The new TV was purchased, it stayed in the pickup during the 2 inches of rain, and it only got a couple drops of rain on the box (the truck bed is covered). I removed it from the pickup, I unpacked it and was ready to remove and install when David arrived. Everything was going as planned. 

We removed the old TV.

We then learned that the screws that held the old TV, will not fit the new TV.

We went to the shed and went through nuts, bolts and screws until we found some that would work temporarily.

Returning to the house we installed the new TV. I would need to go to the hardware store and get 4 screws that will fit.

I put the old TV in the bed of the pickup truck.

I went to the Ace hardware store since the Do it Best store is across town.

Returning with the 4 new screws I was able to replace the odd screws, one at a time, with new screws. 

I picked up the tools, I replaced items that I had moved, returning them to their original location.  

I connected the remote to the computer and was attempting to update the remote.

The garage door began to open, it was Donna returning home an hour early. She never gets home until 4:00pm on Friday, but today she arrive at 3:00.

She went into the front room and I had the new TV turned on. She walked through the room several times before sitting in the recliner. She did not notice that the TV was changed until she started looking for the remote. “Where is the remote,” she called out? “I am updating it,” I replied. “Why are you updating the control,” she asked. “I want it to work properly,” I replied.

That is when she noticed that we had a new TV. The new TV does not cover as much wall as the older, smaller TV. The old TV had a big frame all around it and the new one does not.

It was a surprise in the fact that she did not know I was getting it. I didn’t get to pretend to be asleep and see how long it would take for her to realize it was new.

 

The best laid plans of mice and man often go astray, and that includes retired people.

 

 

May all your surprises be nice ones!

Don Ford

Overheard the conversation 05.08.14

Overheard the conversation 05.08.14

 

                I was strolling past our impressive blackberry garden (photo to follow), which is optimally located behind, “The Ford Homestead”. During this morning’s saunter around the grounds, I was privileged to overhear a plot.

Normally I would have ignored the comments, but we did suffer theft last year. Could these be the same two jailbirds who violated our property last year?

The comment was, “we will return in a week or so when no one is home and…”

Obviously, we no longer have a 100 pound German Shepherd in the yard, which had provided a major security barrier. Most thieves will avoid a property with a big dog. These birds were not detoured by the dog.

We must now rely on the cat. Molly, has been known to attack unsuspecting birds without warning. She is stealthy in her approach and cold hearted in the decimation of the bird.

Could this cat be our salvation?

Will she be able to provide the protection needed, or will we find her on Alex’s bed napping? I have nothing against a good nap when it is me indulging in the process.

It is not just the mockingbirds that eat the ripe black berries, just about any bird will feast in these delicious berries. I say they are, “delicious”, but I have never had one due to the repeated harvesting or should I say theft buy the birds. 

I have also considered another method of preventing this, “unauthorized harvesting”. I have a netting that goes with a large umbrella which we never use. The netting when installed on the umbrella will keep mosquitoes away.  So if I were to use the netting over the blackberries it should keep the birds out.

As you may understand, it would require me to actually do some work at “The Ford Homestead”. In all honesty, I am not trained in this type of netting. I have worked with nets when loading trucks but that is a different subject.

I think I will ponder this subject for a while, as the berries will not begin to ripen for another week or so.

The tall blackberry is 5 foot high.

Numerous green blackberries and additional blooms.

 

I hope you have a berry nice day.

 

Don Ford

 

The orange-ish rose has nothing to do with the berries but I thought it was kind of pretty.  

Richer than a foot up a Bull's butt 05.06.14

Richer than a foot up a Bull’s butt    05.06.14

 

                I use to work with a fellow, I know it is hard to believe I have ever worked, but I did.

This co-worker’s name was “Don” (not me) and one of his many colorful sayings was, something is, “richer than a foot up a bull’s butt”. Don used a different word for butt.

For many in my age group, it is understood that cow/bull manure is an excellent and rich fertilizer for just about any crop. If manure is a rich fertilizer, then a foot up a bull’s butt must be very rich.

That saying came to mind today as I was surveying the vast expanses of, “The Ford Homestead of Hewitt”. My eyes drifted to the garden spot near the back fence. It has developed nicely over the short period of time since it was planted.

I have before and after photos that I would like to share with you.

The first photo is of the garden spot just after the grandkids and I planted it.

The second photo taken approximately a week or so later, shows how the garden has grown.

This wonderful transformation is mostly due to the rich, fertile soil here at, “The Ford Homestead”. Rich, fertile soil, is what cause me to think about, “Don’s” saying.

 

It is my belief, at least one of you has a question as to how long it took for the garden to grow to this point.

I have been studying how politicians lie explain things, and I have adapted my story telling thusly.           

Also, in my defense, I did say, “approximately a week or so”.

 

Why do my readers feel the need to always have the facts when reading my blog, but you never insist on the truth or facts from your elected ^{(so called)} officials? 

It’s not fair!

 

I hope your day is filled with “richness”!

            (What “Irony”? Was there “irony” in the last line?)

 

 

Don Ford

It's my yard! 05.05.14

 

It’s my yard!                 05.05.14

 

                I thought it was my yard until Friday morning.

                Friday morning was typical in most respects, I got up and watch the so called news, as I had my morning repast with coffee.

I drink less coffee and seem to enjoy it more now that we have that one cup coffee maker. Truth is, the coffee is more expensive and as we all know, it is getting more difficult to find aluminum cans on the side of the road now that people are more aware of littering. Less littering, makes it more difficult to come up with coffee money; you know we are on a fixed income.

I have thought about sending my spouse out the night before the recycle truck makes its pickups. She might be able to get aluminum cans out of other peoples recycle carts. It could be less walking for her, when compared to picking cans up from the side of the highway. She would only need to go a few blocks around, “The Ford Homestead”.

As I was saying, it seemed to be a typical morning, I went through the three “S”; you know, shower, shave and the other “S”. I went outside to greet the morning and my, “body guard” Molly, was underfoot with me. Molly has willingly accepted the responsibility of being my personal assistant and Body guard, attempting to fill the void left after Tejas’ departure.

Molly has become a true killer. We know of three birds that she has killed and we have found feathers and other body parts in the yard, indicating that she is a true stalker.

I stepped off the driveway on to the stepping stones and surveyed the neighborhood. It was during that quite minute that a squirrel in the tree about 4 feet above me, began to bark. He was a big fat red squirrel, I can only assume that he considered the yard as his, and me as a tress passer. At first I laughed and then I became irritated. There was no rocks to toss at him so I clapped my hands and jumped up and down all the time hoping the neighbors did not see me.

The squirrel quickly retreated up into the higher branches of the tree, and I stepped back on the stepping stone. I stood there, savoring my short lived victory over that varmint.

He was back and he seem to be more irritated at me that I was at him. I, just for a second thought about the fact that we use to, “eat” squirrels when I was a kid.

Molly was rubbing against my leg trying to get my attention, the squirrel had returned to a position just above my head, and he had my attention.

Could it be that the squirrel was not upset with me but rather upset with Molly? Either way he was still barking loudly. I again made the gestures and clapped my hands and he retreated up into the higher branches.

These challenges to each other, occurred no less than 4 times before the squirrel left the scene.

I guess I showed him, whose yard it was.

I hope you are challenged in good ways today.

 

Don Ford