As one gets older, maybe one should consider what life would be like, if we lived alone. Living alone is ok, if one is healthy and able to get around on their own, and if they have enough money. Obviously not having anyone living with you would make for lonely days and nights.
Let’s consider a person who is older and living alone, if they are able to drive then things are not too bad. They can go to the store for groceries and other things, they can go to their church and the trips to the doctor’s office. You might think they would occasionally visit others, but older people don’t want to be a bother so they don’t go visit, even though they may wonder why you don’t come to visit them.
A senior person may be able to take care of grand kids, and that will help them feel useful and not alone during the times the grandkids are there. This senior person may not be computer literate, and may wonder why the grand kids don’t play with the toy trucks, trains and dolls that kids use to play with. There will come a time when it is thought that this elderly person is no longer able to care for children, or the children are old enough to go to school, so the grandparent is alone, and may believe, “they are no longer needed”.
If this senior person has children, the children will visit on a regular basis. These visits provide the senior person with enjoyable conversations, allow the adult child to know their parent is ok, and may also help by mowing the lawn, and fixing things that need repair or a little attention. During these visits the child still considers their parent as mostly in charge, not totally dependent on others.
If the senior has a clear mind, in other words is able to remember things, still able to understand what is going on around them, can operate the TV, make and receive phone calls, is able to safely cook, can wash and dry clothes, then they can continue to live a lonely life.
Brothers and or sisters of a senior person may have passed, may live in different parts of the country. Those who still live in the area will visit only occasionally, most likely on a Sunday. It is not that they don’t want to visit, everyone has their own schedule, which is all focused on themselves, and their habitual daily routines. Those habits, normally do not allow them visiting time for a sibling, or anyone.
What are some of those important daily routines: Morning visit to the Jon, coffee, breakfast, coffee time, read the paper, yes old people still get a paper, watch those TV shows, eat lunch, take a nap, go outside and look at the yard, go to the store, talk with everyone at the store, put the groceries away, watch TV, fix some supper, watch TV, take a shower, go to bed.
If the senior person begins to have memory problems, that is when things get really tough. The senior goes to the store to get groceries, returning home they find they have forgotten several items. They have medicine to take daily and they may occasionally forget one or more meds. Cooking for one has become a real chore so they only cook something if they believe someone will visit and eat with them. That means they have less intake of good foods.
What about the time that they put a pan on the stove but forget that it is there. Suddenly the smoke alarm goes off and the older person hears the alarm, sees the pan burning on the stove and removes the pan from the stove sitting it on the cabinet. Do they turn the stove off, does the pan burn the cabinet?
With the smoke alarm going off, the room has a lot of smoke in it and the older person looks for the smoke alarm but can’t find it. They don’t open a window or door to let the smoke out, they do call a family member and tell them about the smoke alarm.
Now that has occurred, what would happen in the middle of the night if the smoke alarm was to go off? Would this elderly person get out of the house, or look through the smoke for the alarm. Would they call the fire department?
Maybe one would consider giving an elderly person a cell phone to carry with them. They explain how to place and receive a call on the cell phone, with the thought, “If the elderly person gets out somewhere and needs help such as a flat tire, they can call for help”. As the person’s memory gets worse, the senior person forgets to charge the cell phone or they don’t take it with them.
The elderly person decides to go to the store, they find themselves out of town and lost. Not knowing where they are, they continue to drive. This is bad, as no one knows where they are. After a couple times getting lost, their driving privilege is taken away from them. Even though the elderly person knows they were lost, they do not want to give up driving, saying they will be more careful.
At some point it will be decided, this senior person should not live alone and various options will be considered. The elderly parent will need care as if they were now a child. The adult child should insure that their parent has all the necessities such as, family, friends, food, clothing, medical care and transportation. The elderly parent will need someone around them 24 hours a day.
Let us assume it has been decided to place this elderly person in a nursing home. That means you will likely need to dispose of the elderly persons possessions. What will the elderly person think when they are told?
The elderly person has been independent and allowed to make their own decisions all their life, and now they have no say so in their life. Even though living in a nursing home is safer for the elderly, if it isn’t their decision, they will not like it.
In the nursing home the elderly person is in an unfamiliar setting, and does not know any of these people around them, they feel alone and unhappy. When the elderly person has problems understanding things that goes on around them, they will feel lost and want to go home, back to things they recognize.
Consider how you might feel if you could no longer live in your home, watch your TV, have privacy, and not have people walking by your room looking in your door, day and night?
This is not only rough on the elderly person, it is also bad for the family member who finds it necessary to place the elderly in this nursing home. Consider, the adult child knows that their parent took care of them from the time they were born, until they moved out on their own. That is usually eighteen to twenty two years of care provided by that parent. Now the elderly parent is becoming childlike.
Another option, can the elderly stay in their own home, possibly hiring someone to stay with them? Who could be hired to move in with the elderly parent and what would it cost? Trusting someone to move in with a parent and providing the needed care, is a problem in itself.
There is the option of moving the parent into the adult child’s home. If the adult child is away from their home during the day, they would need someone to be with the elderly parent during the day. There are people who could be hired to stay with the elderly, but again finding the right person could be the problem.
It would take a very committed person, who would bring an elderly parent needing continual companionship, into their home. Life would no longer be, all about the adult child, it would be about caring for the aging parent.
If you are the younger adult today, you may likely, somewhere in the future, become the elderly person, maybe you should consider the above and start to prepare!
Don Ford
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