You are correct, the title does not explain what this soon to be well written article is about. Allow me to explain. The full title is, “Ladies will not leave me alone”! Before that one person asks, there is photo evidence, and my present spouse knows of the title and has seen the photo evidence.
I was surprised when my present spouse did not seem overly upset at the amorous advancements of the ladies. I would have thought, the fact that there was more than one, should have enraged my first spouse, but, it didn’t! Actually several of these advancements, and by advancements I mean physical touching, occurred in the presence of my spouse.
When I was young and a lady put a finger, or something else in my ear, I actually enjoyed it. I guess you could say in the olden days, “it was a turn on”.
I wonder if I am too old to enjoy advancements from the ladies. If that is the situation, why should I even get up in the morning?
Now that I am thinking of it, when I get my hair cut by female barber’s hair stylists (they aren’t stylists when they cut my hair, there is no styling going on, just cutting), there is no excitement, no turn on from their hands being all over my head. I must be, “over the hill”, and that is why the advancements of the ladies was more annoying, than enjoyable. Also that is why my present spouse wasn’t concerned as the Ladies swarmed around me.
What? OK, I will answer one question, if you will stop interrupting me. The question is, when did this assault occur? Yes, I felt as if it were an assault! There I said it, an assault, and my first spouse thought it was funny. This all took place on Saturday afternoon. It was 78 degrees, the sun was shining and I was sitting in the Ford’s old rocker near the garage door. Everything seemed to be just perfect prior to the Yankee weather that was approaching (Yankee defined as unbearably cold weather).
It is difficult for Texans, even us Naturalized Texans, to believe that the temp can drop 40 degrees in less than four hours and 58 degrees in 12 hours.
Texans don’t have all those nice warm coats that the northern folks do. Why did this happen to us? One must believe the fact that, “The State of Texas has allowed the immigration of non-conservatives (aka Liberals) into the state”, is what caused Mother Nature to turn against us. Why couldn’t the cold air somehow have settled only on Austin, and left the good conservative people alone?
Wow, I got off the subject. Let’s see, if I can focus and get to the point.
My question is why they would not leave me alone! It may be due to me being such a sweet guy, possibly I smelled good. I am a warm hearted person, possibly that shown through and attracted the ladies. Possibly they were just wanting to bother a senior person who was minding his own business, or possibly my first spouse had something to do with the assault.
Regardless of the reason, they were there. One flew into my ear, several went down the neck of my shirt and I even got one in the mouth. Lady bugs are everywhere this year. I will attach a photo, do you see the lady bug?
If you don’t see the lady bug look closely at my glasses. If you are observant you may see my first spouse in a reflection of the sun glasses. (Click on the photo to enlarge)
Six days until Christmas!
Don Ford
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