I had developed a plan that was based on the fact that my spouse of 45 years stays on her schedule. Isn’t it just like a woman, you make plans based on her being on time and she, for the first time in her life arrives early.
Before I get into this true story in more detail, I want to tell you of my dream last night. I have for several years now had unusual dreams. Not nightmares just unusual, nonsensical dreams.
In this dream, I was going to get a massage. There were several people around and I was on the table, shirt off and ready, “Hillary Clinton” started my back massage. She was using her elbow.
Isn’t it just like a democrat to give me the elbow? I could use that massage right now, my shoulder is a little stiff.
Back to the original story:
Background:
Mother’s day was approaching and I had decided to get my present spouse a gift. She has wanted a new TV for about two years so I decided I would surprise her with one.
I did some research on line and decided on a model (something I might be able to afford). I checked with my son Patrick to see if the TV was a fair deal, you know we retired people are on a fixed income and need to be careful with our expenses.
It is a smart TV, it is larger than the previous TV although it weighs half what the old TV weighs.
I needed to involve my son David in this plot because the old TV was wall mounted and I want to replace it with the new TV. I could not remove and install the TVs alone.
Dave gets off work early on Friday and comes by to pick up the grandson.
The Plan:
I would purchase the TV and leave it in the back of the pickup truck.
On Friday after my present spouse goes to town I will unload the TV from the pickup, unpack it, move it into the living room, get the necessary tools ready.
Dave will help me remove and install the TVs.
I will update the remote control; it has to be connected to the computer and info loaded into the remote when you add a new device. This one remote controls the TV, cable box and the sound system.
I then plan to be in my chair reclined acting as if I am taking a nap when my present spouse comes home at 4:00pm.
How long will it take for her to notice the new TV?
This is what happened:
The new TV was purchased, it stayed in the pickup during the 2 inches of rain, and it only got a couple drops of rain on the box (the truck bed is covered). I removed it from the pickup, I unpacked it and was ready to remove and install when David arrived. Everything was going as planned.
We removed the old TV.
We then learned that the screws that held the old TV, will not fit the new TV.
We went to the shed and went through nuts, bolts and screws until we found some that would work temporarily.
Returning to the house we installed the new TV. I would need to go to the hardware store and get 4 screws that will fit.
I put the old TV in the bed of the pickup truck.
I went to the Ace hardware store since the Do it Best store is across town.
Returning with the 4 new screws I was able to replace the odd screws, one at a time, with new screws.
I picked up the tools, I replaced items that I had moved, returning them to their original location.
I connected the remote to the computer and was attempting to update the remote.
The garage door began to open, it was Donna returning home an hour early. She never gets home until 4:00pm on Friday, but today she arrive at 3:00.
She went into the front room and I had the new TV turned on. She walked through the room several times before sitting in the recliner. She did not notice that the TV was changed until she started looking for the remote. “Where is the remote,” she called out? “I am updating it,” I replied. “Why are you updating the control,” she asked. “I want it to work properly,” I replied.
That is when she noticed that we had a new TV. The new TV does not cover as much wall as the older, smaller TV. The old TV had a big frame all around it and the new one does not.
It was a surprise in the fact that she did not know I was getting it. I didn’t get to pretend to be asleep and see how long it would take for her to realize it was new.
The best laid plans of mice and man often go astray, and that includes retired people.
May all your surprises be nice ones!
Don Ford
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