Promises

As you can see, I was promised rain but it has not yet occurred. I have prayed for rain and I am now resorting to nude rain dances in the back yard.

Our neighbors are not complaining about the nude dances (they all need the rain as bad as we do) but have asked that I play the drums a little quieter.  I have videos of the nude rain dance and you may receive a copy by donating $25.00 to “The Ford Homestead Foundation”.  Ask for offer XXX-397 (please allow two weeks for delivery). 

               Cactus should be considered a natural occurring hazardous material. We have had some Texas cactus on the north end of the house for years.  Many years ago it was placed there by us. We did not think that it would be a problem in that out of the way location. Well, over the years this hazard plant has spread and become a real problem. Alex got too close to this hazardous plant and had some stickers in his leg.  At a later date I ended up with stickers in my hand and I did not touch the plant.

               How did you get the stickers in your hand, if you did not touch the plant, he asked, with a confused look on his face. I will tell you, now that you asked. I was watering the plants that grow near the cactus when my rubber hose touched the plant. Many small stickers were embedded into the hose without my knowledge.  When I say small I mean extra small. To see these sticker you need a magnifying glass.

               Being the professional “waterologist” (a person who has extensively studied watering plants) I was able to complete the water process even though I had numerous stickers in my hand. The pain from these stickers was, “excruciating” (that means it hurt a lot).

I proceeded inside the house hoping for some pity and possibly help in removing the stickers. My wife attempted to help but I was soon aware that she was unable to be near her loving husband while he was so bravely enduring this horrendous pain.  I was alone with a tweezers and a magnifying glass. Try holding a magnifying glass and a tweezers in the same hand while attempting to remove hazardous stickers. It doesn’t work. I barrowed a magnifying glass that was mounted on a visor and that made all the difference.       

I removed all the stickers I could but in the middle of the night I could feel one that kept getting caught on the sheet. It is more difficult to remove a sticker when you are half a sleep.

The next day I examined the rubber hose. There were stickers in the hose waiting to attach themselves to an unsuspecting person attempting to use the hose.  I took the hose to the trash container and disposed of it.

Yesterday I took my lopping shears and cut most of the cactus down. There is still some cactus left but it would be difficult to accidently get into it now.

              On another subject; as you know the Fords of Hewitt are on a fixed income. We attempt to save as much money as possible and I have discovered a unique method of saving money. In the photo below you see water being showered onto a Bougainvillea plant.

               I have found that I can water the hanging plants and take a shower at the same time. The neighbors don’t mind as they know we are on a fixed income. The one neighbor asked that I keep my back turned toward his house while taking my shower.

From the waterologist mind of     Don Ford

Disclaimer: waterologist is not a made up word, it is real! It is real in my world.

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