Vacuuming explained 03.07.15

            This is one of those stories that may be hard to believe, so I say, believe it or not.

            First a little background.

1.    In the beginning there was the crazy neighbor and friend, who was observed vacuuming his yard.

2.    Then I was observed vacuuming my yard and also considered crazy.

C.   Then a younger man, possibly in his late 30s, was observed with a vacuum in his yard attempting to replicate the actions of the two crazy retired man.

The above history lesson should bring you up to date, allowing you to follow the rest of what will undoubtedly be another outstanding, informative and interesting document.

I was looking for something to do, following my after lunch nap. The sun was shining brightly and weather was beginning to warm. I decided to go outside and possibly trim some tree limbs. After careful consideration I decided that trimming tree limbs was not a good idea as the ground was too damp to safely stand a ladder.

Change of plans, I decided to vacuum the yard. It should be known that even though I have removed millions of acorns from the yard during the fall months, there are still millions hiding, deep in the grass.

I removed the vacuum from the garage wall mount and took it to the front yard. I laid out the extension cord and pulled the wagon from the back to the front yard. With all the needed tools in place I began vacuuming.

The acorns and caps make a distinct noise when they impact the insides of the vacuum. Also, if you vacuum a cap there will be an acorn hiding in the grass and vice versa. Most of the time you will see neither but the vacuum still finds them.

I had almost filled the wagon with acorns when a brown truck, driven by a man with a brown uniform, stopped across the street. This delivery man came over to where I was, and asked what I was doing.

I explained that I was vacuuming the grass. He said I can see that but why are you vacuuming? I explained that it is a new process which will help improve the flow of oxygen to the roots of the grass, causing it to grow quicker and greener. I explained that you do not need to use fertilizer when using this oxygenating method.

I was grinning like a possum eating briars, as I spread this extremely tall tale (aka lie).

The driver, still dressed in brown said, that what I had told him was interesting, and asked where I had learned about this. I said, “On the internet”.

He said, “well I better get back to work’, and left without me telling him that I was really vacuuming up acorns.

I wonder what he will find when he goes on line looking for oxygenated grass roots.

Believe it or not, that is my story.

 

Never believe the crazy retired man,

Vacuuming his yard.

 

Don Ford