Continuing Soga of The Great Squirrel Conflict

               This story begins with two boys sitting in the yard talking about everything but world affairs. They were enjoying the days and watching the squirrels eating acorns from the oak trees.

The squirrels have begun eating the acorns since they have eaten all the pecans. I should note that we are not sure the squirrels are eating the acorns, they may be chewing them into small pieces on the sidewalk intentionally causing me to need to sweep every day.

The boys were discussing how they might cause the squirrels to leave the neighborhood in a humane manner. One of the boys suggested hiding in the bushes with a BB gun but that is discouraged by the local police.

The second boy remarked that some people get an electrified collar and put a wire in the ground to keep the dog on their property without a fence. The first boy noted that some dog owners are able to stop their dog from barking with an electrified collar.

Without discussing it with their parents the two boys decided to stop the squirrels.

First they made some box traps and baited them with sliced apple. This was a very effective method of humanely trapping 8 squirrels and one skunk. It was decided that the youngest boy would release the skunk which turned out to be an odorous task.

These two lads went into their dads shop and invented a small electrified harness that would fit on a squirrel. This harness was like a harness used on dogs but much smaller with electrodes that would shock the wearer.  These harnesses were orange in color which made it easy to identify the victim’s subjects.

The boys found it difficult to get the harness on the squirrels but they were persistent and eventually outfitted each of the eight squirrels. As each squirrel was released the oldest boy tried the electrical shock and each squirrel jumped as if they were shocked (they wereJ).

The next day the boys were again in the yard sitting under the shade tree in the grass waiting for the victim’s subjects to arrive. From across the street came the first squirrel. About half way across the street the boy pushed the button and the squirrel went straight up in the air about 2 feet. When the shocked squirrel hit the ground he appeared to be confused. He started to continue his path across the street and the button was again pushed. Again he went up in the air and hit the ground this time running back across the street. One squirrel learned his lesson.

The boys were very happy that their invention was working. The above story was repeated several times. Then the, “youngens” (the word youngens is a Missouri term which means “young ones” aka kids) observed a fat squirrel coming across the electric wire. The button was pushed and the fat squirrel did a double back flip off the wire which was 30 feet above the ground.

               The End

 

I hope your day is not electrified.

 

Don Ford

Not everything in the above article is true, some comments were fiction.